#and one of them messaged me today
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#i need some help from the tumblr hive mind#because everyone i know#has big preexisting thoughts and feelings about this situation#i am going away for the weekend with some old friends#and one of them messaged me today#to tell me that she isn't comfortable with me driving for 25 minutes with cheese in the car#if it isn't in a cooler#she thinks that this is why she was sick last year#but here's the thing#it was sub-zero last year#and the car definitely didn't warm up all that fast on the drive#and no one else got sick#so i find her conviction that this made her sick#unfounded at best#and this is a real trend with her#she has a lot of anxiety about food#like complaining about non-dairy offerings with coconut whipped cream#because it was creamy#but every time i push back#i'm accused of not respecting her dietary restrictions and comfort level#because i always accommodate dietary restrictions#but she will never be happy#because i 100% think it's an anxiety thing and anxiety always finds something to fixate on#but she 100% believes that the rest of us are IDK poisoning her or something#like what is the way to move forward in this situation?#i hate that it always ends up with a few of us complaining behind her back#it's shitty#but how else are we to manage it?#and just to be clear#i am bringing a cooler
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Day #107 - Lords
Yep, totally professional Dark Lord activities. Completely professional. Nothing to see here, just lord and lieutenant. Conferring. That's all. Conferring. And totally not staring lovingly into eachother's eyes no what are you talking about--
#angbang#morgoth#melkor#mairon#sauron#the silmarillion#silm#chibi#cute#minecraft#minecraft pixel art#this blog hasn't had any angbang in months#today we fix that#this one's also for the wonderful person who messaged me asking for these two in block game#i hope you like them! ^-^#daily smol silm
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WOOOOOOOOOO
I GOT A HATEFUL MESSAGE ON ANON AND I IMMEDIATELY DELETED IT WITHOUT GIVING THEM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT
I am FLOURISHING!
#I’ll probably delete this later but I’m proud of myself so I’ll celebrate for a sec! just for now 😅😅😅#I surmised a couple days back/sometimes last week that I’m an easy target for such anons#because I always respond sincerely to hateful messages and just assume whatever I’m being told or accused of is true#I got another one earlier today that I couldn’t tell if they were being hateful or sincere but poorly worded but either way it stung#and while I did respond to it I ended up taking it down#I intend for this to be my method for dealing with hateful or questionable anons going forward! no more feeding the mean voices!#what better way to get them off your back than to bore them with a lack of reaction? 😅#I try to be open and communicative but it can (and routinely does I feel) backfire on me… so sometimes the answer really IS just giving up#people can think what they want. I’m just having a good time with my fat hairy italian and his statuesque princess wife#peaches screams into the void
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huh sorry for disappearing for like a day and a half. a weird guy appeared
#words from the monarch#i actually thought id reblogged At Least one thing yesterday. or had said Something on discord yesterday & today#anyway yeah the tickle fetsih guy contacted me the day after the anniversary of when they first started harassing me.#and i dont think i want to post screenshots of that bc i fianlly like. Talked To Them. tried to make them understand.#and if they Do understand i dont want to put them on blast.#and also i guess it just freaked me out bc i thought i'd ip blocked them#but then yknow. they just message me like it's nothing. like 5 months later#so they can probably read this.#anywya in Talking To Them and exlaining how This Is Harassment And I Dont Want Them Around Me i hope they finally understand now.#i told them i was going to block them at the end of it and they said ok#and i guess i just didnt feel like Blogging after that#but also like after That i didnt feel like drawing. i still dont right now. but im making little polymer clay things#anyway im normal + fine. i hope me talking to them or talking abt it here now doesnt incense them to start harassing me again#they told me they understood and that they wouldn't bother me anymore 👍 so
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81 pics in my part 30 folder, 38 made it into the chapter itself 😂
i might cut down the sexy stuff, idk, the chapter is 7.2k words before editing lmfao, and when i edit i usually add more to each scene
but also who is gonna complain about a longer sex scene? 😂
much 2 ponder
gonna try to get this edited over the weekend!!! 😤
catch up before the next chapter drops~!
#mine#ts2#sims 2#the sims 2#sims#simblr#ofmd#gentlebeard#ofmd sims#breathing underwater#mermaids#me looking at ed's back like hmmm something is missing........#lmfao i took off the trust no one on his back because i was like idk why mermaid ed would have human writing on him.....#idk in my mind merfolk know the human languages that are common around their habitat and can speak them#but most don't bother to learn to read it#i actually had a whole different plan for ed to turn human pre s2#and it involved lucius sending messages in bottles and fang being able to read them because he actually used to be human#and he was going to teach ed how to change w mermadic kelp (sims universe stuff)#but thankfully s2 gave me a much better way to do this#but anyway i have all these Thoughts abt mermaids and their language and how they communicate underwater but i can't rly Articulate them#sso many ideas in my head and no way to make them into words 😔#maybe someday i wont ramble on and on in the tags#but not today!!!!!!
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my sweet little baby man is no longer with us
#he had his bloodwork done yesterday and the vet said it was fine but he doesnt have much time left#and my bestie is a vet tech who wanted to see the lab results bc she always does and she looked at them#and asked me if she can shiw them to her boss today and i was like sure and immediately knew something was up#today keekki was being himself#then i went to run some errands and when i came back he was laying in front of the front door with his tiny baby head against it#and i was like ''oh ok one of his seizures?''#and theyre like. keekki will drool and not move and they usually last for like 20 minutes (several vets have no idea whats up with those#but it was probably either a kidney or a blood pressure thing)#anyways. it did not pass in 20 minutes so i Knew#i laid on the floor next to him#then my bff sent me a message asking me if i have the time to talk about keekki and its not good news#at this point i was about to call the vet anyways#and she was like ''ok i showed these to my boss (a vet) and she got super angry that ur vet even let you leave the clinic''#bc apparently keekkis bloodwork was so bad he should have been put down then and there but my vet was like a fresh half graduate#so i dont hold it against her. anyways i got an euthanasia appointment for this evening and spent the time before it laying on the couch#crying with keekki in my arms#i had to carry him bc he couldnt really walk without stumbling and falling down#when i had to get up to get his carrier and stuff ready he was taking a nap on the couch where i left him and i took this pic#anyways worst vet visit of my life i could hardly even do anything but nod half the time bc speaking results in me sobbing#anyways. this fucking sucks#i dont know how ill be able to sleep tonight#its been years since i last slept at home without having a little guy plop into my arms#i spent a long time with him in the vet room when he was gone#it feels surreal ive given him his last ever forehead kisses#as i left the room i told him bye the exact same way ive been saying bye to him for the last very many years ive had him#its always moikka keekki before i go to work or the store or literally anything#and that was my last moikka keekki#i hope he felt how loved he was#my dad is sending me older pics of me and keekki and he looks so happy in them. hes always right next to me#idk man im going to stop rambling now
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Gente, boa sorte pra quem vai fazer o enem. Deus abençoe vcs, vai ficar tudo bem ta bom? É só uma prova, seu valor não tá nela e ter chegado até aqui já é uma vitória. ❤️
#enem#eng speakers: today is the national brazilian exam. like american SAT i think#i dont know how many Brazilians follow me but if one of them needs this message then there u go :)#te amo
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guys we need to actually stop involving pidge in romantic klance situations
#WHAT I MEAN IS. like#i see wayyy too often pidge being the witness of random klance antics or being depicted as interested in klance's relationship a lot??#idk how to describe it i never see any of the other teammates being the punchline for klance jokes more than pidge#and im not saying that klance jokes with pidge involvement is inherently bad but i have so many examples of this being taken weirdly#like i remember this one comic i saw by this pretty popular artist (at least back in peak vld fandom) where keith and lance are having#a slow dancing moment in one of their rooms and at the very end it's revealed that pidge was watching through the vents and recording the#whole thing.#and there's this other art i see frequently on pinterest where it's implied that klance are doing the dirty and pidge is in their room#having to listen to it#and just today i received a message asking me to draw keith carrying lance bridal style as pidge watches in the background#...DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND WHAT IM SAYING#do i sound insane#I'm just saying that pidge is not this interested in klance. at least to the degree the fandom makes them out to be#and sometimes it's just plain weird okay??? okay#haha if u read this far hello 😭#klancedaytalks
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For me, one of the worst aspects of ADHD is memory issues. I find it interfers so much more than executive disfunction, as I can at least force my brain to work under the right circumstances.
I can't do that with my memory
My memory is definitely the worst symptom of my ADHD (other than probably RSD and some other things but I gotta find a therapist for that lol), and I envy other people with ADHD who don't struggle with that aspect as much as I do. And for those who may not have ADHD, let me try to explain what I deal with because I do wish it was a funny thing but most often it's not lol.
It's not just that I forget where I put my phone down, it's I forget why I enter I a room and literally have to walk back my steps to find it despite there only being three places in my small apartment it would be. It's telling myself three times to take something with me to the clay studio to show another student and I forget 3 weeks in a row despite having it right next to the front door. It's my family telling me something important and I just don't retain it, and then they stop telling me things (this has improved again now that I'm on medicine, but I was the last person to find out a lot of things the past few years bc they wouldn't tell me bc I wouldn't remember, which hurts). It's my mind wiping blank in the middle of a sentence when I hit a certain word which results in varying degrees of embarrassment and understanding depending on who I'm talking to. It's my eye skipping over a spelling error no matter how many times I know it's there and I need to change it, I just forget (there are a lot of stupid errors in all my fics because of this, maybe one day i'll get to fixing them). It's learning someone's name correctly taking weeks to stick, and then somehow flipping the spelling because I know other people with that name spelled differently and I remember that spelling as "correct" (I'm glad we have name tags on our clay cubbies in the studio, it's saved me some embarrassing encounters, which was something I had to train myself into doing). It's being able to recall what someone said to me word for word six years ago but I can't remember what my mother told me three days ago. It's remembering a multitude of old vines verbatim, but I couldn't tell you what important news story I watched last night.
It's being able to sit down and talk to you guys clearly and thoughtfully like the intelligent person I can be, and then having my knees taken out from under me in real conversation because my mind just wipes blank. But yeah, I can at least work through my executive disfunction too with the right prodding lol.
#ask me stuff!#adhd#memory bullshit#if i could choose to swap one symptom with another it would be my memory#it has screwed me over so many times and has brought me a lot of grief#anyways i need to get off tumblr#colorblind anon i have both your messages i will attempt to answer them today! my work days have been full and i had clay last night#and teach tonight as a substitute#so i will do my best to get to you before then
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you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.
i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.
#every time i try to reach out or talk to someone it goes nowhere. i dont have any social skills anymore and have no clue how to keep a#conversation going. half the time even when i do people stop replying to me. which is fine theydont owe me a reply but still feels likeshit#when i tried to make one new irl friend it just didn't work because they have better options for friends. we spoke occasionally but never#messaged online like ever and would only talk when we happened to be in the same place. i tried multiple times to organize a time to hangou#none of which came to pass. i dont understand why this one didn't work because i thought this person was interested in being my friend but#i guess i was wrong or thought they were more interested than they really were.#i have a problem with reaching out anyway which has been a problem i have had since i was like 11. reaching out to people first doesnt come#easily to me - in the beginning when i was a lot younger i didn't want to bother people with my presence & thought if i were to come to#someone first they would feel pressured into talking to me when they didn't want to. this is stupid of course. but has still not left me as#something i feel is very core to the way i act today. waiting for someone to come to me first feels like my only option because i do not#know how to reach out effectively (my evidence being i have failed every time i have tried) & i am convinced people dont like me in the#first place and do not want me to approach them.#i dont really even know who to reach out to in the first place. my world is extremely narrow. the number of people i know has shrunk#significantly and my standing in their eyes collectively has also shrunk significantly in the past few years. i feel like every person i#was once friends with wants nothing to do with me. i feel as if i have burned every bridge possible.#when it comes to the fact i complain all the time . which i know of course is annoying. its because i cant find any kind of joy in anything#i do or see or whatever. nothing makes me happy - i only see things to complain about. all stimulus seems grating and the world seems#specifically catered to make me miserable. all i can really do is complain. i treat this blog like a stream of consciousness and when most#of that consciousness is occupied with how much i hate being alive the blog will mostly be complaining. its a vicious cycle lol .#anyway . i guess the key theme is low self esteem begets low self esteem in many ways. mental illness begets mental illness.#i am not really saying this to anyone least of all to you anon. i just felt compelled to recount i guess for myself the reasons that came#to mind for why i am like this. i am talking to myself here
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i know im late but xanlow pocky doodle was a must....
#xanlow#fe14#fire emblem fates#fe laslow#fe xander#PRETEND ITS STILL 11/11#11/17 looks like 11/11 if you're lying#look ive been having a crazy week you WILL give me a pass#my prof changed the due date of one of my papers so i had to write an eight page paper in. one night. exciting stuff!#that on top two exams and other homework. busy week......#im so sad tho cause i was literally waiting in anticipation ALL YEAR to do a pocky doodle for them and then the time came and i spaced djfks#ive got a couple more xanlows that i was gonna post in conjunction w this one but i didnt like how they looked together so.#expect art in the coming days#also: natalia if you see this i saw your message!!! and so my song recc to you today is riot by the scarlet opera :D#dots draws
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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publicly kissing @meebles on the forehead for being extremely lovely about the inevitable byproduct of cowriting a dinosaur cowboy au with someone for whom dinosaurs are a special interest
#ask me how many hours i spent today researching hadrosaurs. just bc she asked me about including them bc they're cute (and they are)#and i immediately went down the rabbithole on how big the different ones were and thinking about the logistics of supporting a herd of them#and how many messages i sent her about it once i figured it out#or actually dont ask 😂😂#i also took 30 minutes to answer a question on the possibility of baby dinos in the context we'd been talking about#and then went off on a tangent on the ethics of breeding de-exctincted animals 😂😂
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#the other day i complained how most of my irl friends didn’t send me a single message about liam#and how it made me feel alone and not important#today one of them finally send me something#he said he didn’t know if he should bc he doesn’t know what to say#and that if i want to talk he’s there for me#but honestly? the only thing i wanna answer him is ‘fuck you’#I’m mad#you don’t have to say much to show you care#just a ‘hey how you doing?’ just shows it#‘oh but he did send something’#well yeah but it’s not the same now#it just isn’t#idk if I’m way too petty but i just can’t feel mad#personal
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me vs eternal grudges abt d20 captions
#aspen tag#maybe i just need to start watching the backlog without them on tbh#bc every time i run into a godawful error. of which there is no shortage of. i get so frustrated i literally have to stop watching#and like. idk. the new form system is. i know there's probably practical benefits#but from where i am sitting it's just like. additional barriers. more steps. more energy#i watched the new dirty laundry earlier today. with the lightning flashing effect at the beginning#and i checked the desc to see if there was any sort of warnings on the vid and there was nothing#and i thought about pulling up the feedback form to say smth and i just felt tired#and like. idk if any of u were ever active in the discord's caption corrections channel before it shut down#i joined the dropout server for it. i was in there exclusively for it. bc they got on my nerves so bad and i couldn't just do nothing#you could look up a particular line and find reports of it going back months and months#and i get that it was probably not easily indexable. but w/ the way older d20 episodes are#it was a fucking blessing to be able to submit them in bulk. instead of submitting a form for each one individually like u have to now#bc they're like. every 30 seconds. you're lucky if you go a couple minutes without smth almost unparseable#and when there'd be things like unlabeled flashing. or the gore bear. and u start writing up a message on the discord#it's like. there's a sense of people. someone's reading. someone's seeing it. even in just the reacts. y'know#and like. they have retroactive caption editors to clean up the old stuff as of 2024#but i'm four minutes into tuc episode 2. their third season ever. second episode. four minutes in#and zac says “it's a concentration” and the captions read “white's a constant station”#and i just ..... i guess i find it hard to feel like there's work being done. or like it's a priority#i. me personally. sent messages in the feedback channel about jokes in the captions on at least five or six seperate occasions#and i know there were other people speaking up about it too. over months and months#and the past... however many seasons it's been since burrow's end. have been a little better. but it's like....#it took so long to see any change. and those older ones are going to stay in until the retroactive editors catch all the way up#and people are still going to laugh at them and post about them and not think past their own amusement at them#and it's not that big of a deal but it does like. detract from how much i am able to enjoy d20#and like. i've been watching for three years. i never shut up about it. it's not like i don't like what they make#but between all of this and the way they handled palestine on the discord. i'm just finding it harder to trust in dropout#idk. idk. it's not a big thing. but it simmers in the back of my mind a lot. i don't rlly think it's going to change anytime soon#so i guess this is just putting it somewhere so it doesn't have to sit in my head all the time. um. yeah 👍
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guess whos not going in at all this week, actually
#MY MANAGER EMAILED LIKE 2 HOURS B4 I HAD TO GO IN#she finally changed my schedule (1 day) to the night shift today#(i emailed her to be safe just kinda casually reaffirming im going in at the new time & then asking if any other shifts wanted 2 be changed#bcs that sounds great to me whstever option she goes with#she ignored that question & i get a new email from her asking if i completed a training. lets called it DOC#basically a long time ago she said 'i will send you DOC instructions soon' .. a few days pass and i get three 50 paged packets#one is called NAVIGATING DOC#im like oh ok cool that must be the DOC training shes talking abt bcs the other 2 packets were abt various trainings#NAH BRUH. APPARENTLY THE DAY IM SUPPOSED TO GO IN. SHE MESSAGES ME SOME ENTIRELY ALIEN PROGRAM#and is like 'u completed this right? cus if u didnt u cant come in today.'#LIKE?? MAYBE I WOULDA IF U SENT THE SHIT#but it's also like. dam i shouldve emailed prompting her to send what she said she would n clarifying BUT FUCK#WHY DO I GOTTA?? IM NOT THE MANAGER#she literally told me the name of the program rn thru email so i type it in and see like four hour long modules to complete#mind u i aint never even been informed a WHISPER abt this new program. nothings even labeled DOC TRAINING#but my struggle is. was i notified this?? and i just didnt see??? was i supposed to clarify with her what the DOC training was exactly??#the only thing ive heard abt doc training b4 this is 'i need to send u DOC training soon' in EMAIL. so i expected an alert#abt THE DOC TRAINING... in an EMAIL notification. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS#idk man#i dont even care bro like im busy as hell & the work is just to build clinic hours so i dont care abt the money factor#it's just like. can we get this first day jitters thing over with already?? im so over this bro#yaddayadda i emailed her an apology n ill be on that ASAP shit. but i did let her know i am basically justnnow seeing this site#n if there was any email or notif that couldve/tried to inform me of its existence 2 pls let me know / figure out how to find it#so the issue doesnt occur again & i dont have to keep botherinher which im so srry of bcs med is stress n shes just trying to get by#but still bro im a lil miffed bcs she probably thinks im stupid now and now im wondering if i AM#bcs WDYM ONLINE MODULES. AINT NOBODY SAID SH IT EVEN ABT THE EXISTENCE OF THEM!!! i wouldve pressed harder 4 clarification#if i knew it was an ONLINE MODULE i had to look out for on some randomass site i didnt even know the name of until now#instead of the EMAIL UVE BEEN 'COMMUNICATING' WITH ME ON#ARREGHHHHHHHH IM NOT STUPID. I SWEAR IM NOT STUPID FUCCK MY BAKA LIFE
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